*Today's assignment was to post a photo that makes you angry. You may be asking yourself "what could possibly make you angry at this picture?"
The answer?
My brother-in-law is offering to take a picture with me because he knew I was mad. He knew that this would make things temporarily better because a) he rarely takes pics and b) c'mon, we take a good picture.
But I wasn't pissed at him. I was pissed at my girlfriend.
This was 4th of July weekend. We had all gone down to Crestview, Florida to watch a UFC fight. My girlfriend came with me so we could spend some time together after her moving back home for the summer.
*Before I go on, I have to say if I offend anybody in the following paragraphs, I am truly sorry. This is just my opinion on a subject I have dealt with all my life.
One of the things we started to have disagreements on was her smoking. I can compromise on a lot of things. But if I am going to be in a relationship with you, it is going to be known that I am not going to be a supporter of you smoking. Simple answer? It's nasty. Even more simpler answer? I don't want you to die.
She started off saying that she only smoked when she drank because it made her more drunk. This was a time period when I had only drank like two times (since then, my number has increased by about four or five). I'm not stating a belief; just saying that I didn't understand that logic. But I let it go.
Regardless of how anyone feels about it, I can't hide the fact that smoking bothers me. It has made just about everyone in my family sick and to this day still has control over my sister. So I tried to deal with it and get her to at least not do it around me.
So back to the get together. My sister is outside smoking and the door swings open and I see that my girlfriend has one of my sister's cigarettes. I just couldn't shake the funk I got in after seeing that.
We ended up fighting about it the entire drive home. We actually stopped to eat and I explained to her just how much it meant to me. I thought I had gotten through to her. Little did I know I just sealed my own fate. 4th of July 2008 is the pinpoint date that our relationship fell apart.
We broke up the next month (August) and began a time period of a whirlwind of emotions that would last until the following March when she started dating someone else. I guess you can say there is still debris that we are dealing with now, but it has gotten better.
Looking back, did I over react? Probably. But I can't help but think I had to stick to one of my few beliefs in this world.
And that is the long and complicated story of why a seemingly good picture can bring up so many bad memories and make me "angry."
1) I've never smoked
ReplyDelete2) I don't understand the "I only smoke when I'm drunk" logic - I'd actually rather the person just come out and say it: "I'm a smoker."
3) Almost every guy I've liked or dated has been a smoker - um, maybe I like the bad boy imagine. But I don't like smelling like cigarettes - gets on my clothes, in my hair...urgh. But I always let it go because I don't like being told what to do, so I try to be tolerant. Smokers know the risks...
4) This was clearly not a relationship that was working for you. You're likely better for it - even if you did over react or whatever.
5) It's a funny photo - so you should laugh about it now.
6) Do you actually still feel angry when you see this?
I don't think you really overreacted. Though relationships are often about compromising, if you are that strongly against something you should stick to it. Once I threatened to break up with my ex-boyfriend if he didn't cut his hair because it was turning into a mullet (and I HATE mullets!). The next time I saw him he had gotten a hair cut. Of course, we eventually broke up over something else. The almost-mullet was probably a sign. Anyway, nice angry picture, and I'm glad to hear things have gotten better since then. Breakups suck (haha, obvious statement of the year).
ReplyDeleteOh- I totally agree on the smoking thing. Hubs and I go round and around on this and it drives me nuts that he still smokes. He says he's quit but then he takes out the garbage and it takes 45 minutes. No- he's out there huffing down as many as he can for the night. Then thinks I can't tell. Hi- you smell like minty smoke fucktard. My parents smoked growing up and honestly? Why do people start knowing full well it's addictive and you will die?
ReplyDeleteI don't want my kids to grow up with that so I refuse to let him smoke in the house or in the vehicles because it's disgusting. It's like I get that you get stressed out but fucking christ- so do I but you don't see me trying to get lung cancer. Don't people get that you stink? Everything that belongs to you smells? Your face looks like hell and nobody wants to kiss you? DISGUSTING.
So yeah- I agree with your post. ;)
Your anger was definitely justified...smoking is gross! I think that smoking/drugs/alcohol are the type of things that two people in a relationship need to have similar views on otherwise it creates problems. Just my opinion of course. :) You do look pretty mean in the photo though! hahah
ReplyDeleteI am 100% in agreeance with you on the subject of smoking. I am sorry that it meant the end of a relationship, but you stuck up for yourself.
ReplyDeleteBTW...you are cute! Even if you are mad!
as a drinker and smoker, i have to say that smoking doesn't make you more drunk... it's just layering stimulants and depressants etc etc
ReplyDeletei feel like its so unfair when smokers who are unwilling to cut back or quit try to date non-smokers. i live with smokers and smoke myself occasionally, but i always feel terrible when i smoke around [i always ask if it's okay for me to light up] or kiss non-smokers.
OH and P.S. way to stick up for non-smokers. I'm in a Facebook group called "Oh you smoke, let me get a gun and kill you faster."
ReplyDeleteI hate when bad memories ruin a perfectly good photo!
ReplyDelete@Allison:
ReplyDeleteI don't being told what to do as well, nor do I like telling people. However, I feel you are allowed to cross that line when it comes to either family or someone that you may potentially spend the rest of your life. Then, I feel it's ok to say "stop killing yourself slowly." Just my opinion though.
And yes, now I can see that maybe this particular relationship wasn't the best, but it could have been. And the way everything went down is what gets me upset. I was actually going to use different pics but wasn't sure the blogging etiquette about posting pics of your ex.
And yea, it doesn't really make me that mad anymore. Just when I think about the day is all.
@lalauren:
haha, thanks for your story. And I guess that's how I feel as well. It's all about compromising. Later in our story I even tried to deal with it, but she ended up leaving anyways. I should have put that in my post.
@Sara:
When I kissed her when she really into smoking, I smelled all the cigarette smoke and it gave me images of my grandpa. Didn't really work out to be all that romantic.
@Lisa:
Yea, I was still kind of ticked when it was taken. But thanks for your viewpoints :)
@abrandname:
thank you for that little compliment at the end. I needed that in a post where I feel like I ganged up on smokers haha
@Jsjov:
As a smoker, thank you for not getting offended at this post. I would also like to extend a thanks for your courtesy. I have a friend who smokes (since he didn't fall into the family/future family category I spoke of in an earlier comment, I didn't say anything to him) and there is weird tension sometimes when he wants to smoke in my car and I won't let him.
@jeanette:
Yea, I guess you can relate to that statement :(
I wish I can stand up and join something like that. I kind of feel like lung cancer from smoking should be declared as a form of suicide. Just my opinion.
Sorry to interrupt your comment flow, but Lauren: That mullet story is fantastic!
ReplyDeleteAlso - Mr.O - You know I (heart) you - so I don't want you to think that I was siding with the smokers on this one. I mostly just think that people's addictions are bigger than me. You can't always help who you love. But at least now you know what you want - and you're older and wiser!
It's 5:40 am and I am rambling because it is raining and I have to walk to work at 6 am...
I smoke, and I don't think this is offensive at all. I know it's stupid and unhealthy and I that I need to quit. I'm perfectly aware that some guys may not want to date me specifically for that reason. And if I met a nonsmoker that I wanted to date, I would try my damndest to quit (I would actually prefer to date a nonsmoker because it would give me more motivation to quit. And also it's not a habit I want to have for the rest of my life, and not something I want my future kids to be around). This is definatly something couples need to see eye to eye on, and it's ridiculous that she just picks up this habit and expects you to be OK with it. Also, I've never ever heard that smoking makes you feel drunker. (If she wants to feel drunker then why doesn't she drink more?). So as a smoker I am your side, if you love someone why would you pick up something as stupid as smoking, when it could damage the relationship??
ReplyDeleteIf I had visions of my grandparent in the midst of a makeout session I agree..turn off. ;) One time on a roadtrip hubs and I were sharing a bottle of water and I didn't realize that when you smoke and drink out of a bottle the contents taste like the smoke. So yeah- one sip and I puked in my own car. It was so gross and I remember him being super angry at me for the rest of the trip. He can't understand that smoke is gross to me. Annoying to say the least.
ReplyDelete@Allison:
ReplyDeleteolder is for sure. Wiser... I hope.
And I don't think you were on a side or anything, I just get nervous putting my views out there because I don't want to come off better than anybody.
@Jaime:
Can I just say thank you for all those words? It meant a lot you took the time to say that. I overthink things but I didn't want to come off better than anybody because I have been accused of it before. So thanks for your comment.
@Sara:
Puking in the car should have been an obvious sign for him to stop haha