30 Days of Me: Angry Photo

*Today's assignment was to post a photo that makes you angry. You may be asking yourself "what could possibly make you angry at this picture?"

The answer?

My brother-in-law is offering to take a picture with me because he knew I was mad. He knew that this would make things temporarily better because a) he rarely takes pics and b) c'mon, we take a good picture.

But I wasn't pissed at him. I was pissed at my girlfriend.

This was 4th of July weekend. We had all gone down to Crestview, Florida to watch a UFC fight. My girlfriend came with me so we could spend some time together after her moving back home for the summer.

*Before I go on, I have to say if I offend anybody in the following paragraphs, I am truly sorry. This is just my opinion on a subject I have dealt with all my life.

One of the things we started to have disagreements on was her smoking. I can compromise on a lot of things. But if I am going to be in a relationship with you, it is going to be known that I am not going to be a supporter of you smoking. Simple answer? It's nasty. Even more simpler answer? I don't want you to die.

She started off saying that she only smoked when she drank because it made her more drunk. This was a time period when I had only drank like two times (since then, my number has increased by about four or five). I'm not stating a belief; just saying that I didn't understand that logic. But I let it go.

Regardless of how anyone feels about it, I can't hide the fact that smoking bothers me. It has made just about everyone in my family sick and to this day still has control over my sister. So I tried to deal with it and get her to at least not do it around me.

So back to the get together. My sister is outside smoking and the door swings open and I see that my girlfriend has one of my sister's cigarettes. I just couldn't shake the funk I got in after seeing that.

We ended up fighting about it the entire drive home. We actually stopped to eat and I explained to her just how much it meant to me. I thought I had gotten through to her. Little did I know I just sealed my own fate. 4th of July 2008 is the pinpoint date that our relationship fell apart.

We broke up the next month (August) and began a time period of a whirlwind of emotions that would last until the following March when she started dating someone else. I guess you can say there is still debris that we are dealing with now, but it has gotten better.

Looking back, did I over react? Probably. But I can't help but think I had to stick to one of my few beliefs in this world.

And that is the long and complicated story of why a seemingly good picture can bring up so many bad memories and make me "angry."

Celebrations and Contemplations

50th post today, YES!!!! It seems like it was just three or so months ago I started this little thing. Oh wait, it was. Man, I get addicted fast...

Anyways, this post, once again, is going to be all over the place. Look for storytelling, random bits, and responses. Ready? GO!

*I am currently listening to Bob Marley while writing this. I have to admit, I got into him WAY late. Although, I still wouldn't consider myself "into" him. but I like him now. During our road trip, he popped up a lot. Anyways, he puts me in a good mood. And that is always a good thing.

*Tonight was random, but fun. I had sort of plans to hang out with this girl tonight, but when the day started I thought "I really don't want to do this." So I made myself busy, figuring out that J Beezy is going to be gone next week so I told this girl that I would reschedule and hang out next week so I can visit with J Beezy for a bit. We ended up meeting up with a another friend (trivia wise -- the friend that this girl made out with) and went to a random lake. I didn't bring my swimwear (they weren't ready for that visual anyways) but Hedman (the dude) brought some guns so I shot some beer cans. Good old Alabama fun, huh? Afterward, we went back to J Beezy's and played some Mario Party on the Wii. I definitely think I am getting hooked on Mario Party, both the DS or Wii version.

*Let's get this little bit out of the way. Last night, we took a trip home and back to put some random stuff we have had in the house I live in to put it in my dad's storage shed. While there, I met up with some people that are still in that area that we haven't seen in a while such as an old roommate of mine who is now married with a kid. Since I haven't seen her in at least two years, that was good. Sat with another friend of mine where she worked at PoFolks (a southern restaurant). She was actually the friend that a few posts ago made me question whether I go to Crestview too much. She sort of said something again.

Me: "I don't know where I will be after college, but it won't be here, in this state."

Her (with an attitude): "Yea, it will probably be in Crestview."

Me: "Was there attitude in there?"

Her: "Yea, I'm just jealous cuz you always go there, but you never visit here."

Me: "Let me ask you a question, what does my house look like?"

It was nice to shut her down seeing as how I have been living at the same spot for two years, a spot she has yet to see, and she tried to make me feel bad for not seeing her enough. It was great. But that wasn't the best part of the night. This was:

*In order to go to the storage shed, I had to pass the gas station where my ex-girlfriend (who, I have officially changed in these blogs to be labeled as "you") works. I told my friend who was riding with me that if her car was there, I was going to kind of freak out, but if it wasn't I would be ok. Well, her car was there, and she was outside smoking. Then I saw her hug a dude. As a friend of mine said, it's like being hit with a sledgehammer. We got to the shed and I called J Beezy to ask if I should walk in there. She said yes, I agreed and so we did. I walked in first, went straight for the drinks, and she saw my friend first. When he mentioned that he was with me, he said her face went to shock (my "home" is two hours away, so for me to be there on a Wednesday is really random) then she saw me. We gave our awkward waves, but when I got up there, I got a hug, he got a hug, you said you were glad we came in, I paid for my stuff, and left. Nevermind that my hands were nervously shaking when reaching to my wallet or I stuttered when talking to you or that I about passed out when it was over. Best part though? You told me I should say hi to your friend (which we don't get along -- that is a whole nother post entirely). So I walked up to her, said what's up and hoped she was doing good. I can tell by the look on her face it totally messed her up, in that she wasn't expecting that at all. But as far as you go, hopefully, now that it's over, when you come back in August to go to school, it won't be so bad.

*What won't be so bad? This weekend. I know I go to Crestview to see my sister a lot, but this weekend is special. Her sister and her sister's husband and thier kids are coming. I love her kids. They are somewhere around 7,6 and 4. I need to double check that. But expect plenty of pictures after this weekend. And we are all meeting up for UFC 100 featuring Brock Lesnar (who I like and my sister hates). Our rule during the fights is that everybody picks who is going to win each fight and if you lose you have to take a shot. So this could be fun.

*Final thing to say: followers and comments. I am very appreciative to all the new followers I have gotten. I have tried to check out your blogs as well, but forgive me if I haven't made my way over there yet. Next week, I plan to check out not only them, but the other two guys that the girl recommended over on her blog. And I plan to go check out some old posts I haven't gotten to read, most notably some of Melissa's stories. But I try to leave little small comments (or in jeanette's or the girl's cases, mini stories). And due to request, I have tried to get into the habit of returning comments left on my page. I am still a rookie, but I am getting there. The only one I don't respond too is Wordless Wednesdays, as I try to play up the whole "wordless" thing. But if I have been slacking, I apologize but I will get on the ball. Starting soon. Trust me.

Random lyric of the day:

Look up, I look up at night,
Planets are moving at the speed of light.
Climb up, up in the trees,
every chance that you get,
is a chance you seize.
How long am I gonna stand,
with my head stuck under the sand?
I'll start before I can stop,
before I see things the right way up.

I'm in a glass case of emotion!

So it's currently near 2 in the morning. I have a class at 8. And I am still awake. Enough to write down my thoughts. Let's do this.

All the emotions I felt today...

bored: Started a new mini semester today, and my first class was... wow. The dude talked for the entire hour and a half. I thought I was the only one suffering until I heard the sighs coming from almost everyone else. It would have been funny if he wasn't so old.

proud: After class, I went on and spoke with my journalism adviser to talk about what classes to take, how many hours I still had left, etc. Anyway, we got to talking about my electives and I told her I thought I had about one or two classes left in my psychology minor. She told me I may need to check again. After talking to a psych adviser, turns out I have completed my minor for psychology. Officially, and I didn't even know. But I was pretty pumped.

crunk: As I have stated, there is a new roommate in the house. Well, I came home from class and I heard him blaring his music. You would think this is a bad thing, but with myself and the roommate big music guys, it actually made me happy. But what made me really happy was that he was playing "Everything Must Go" by Taking Back Sunday. I banged on his door till he opened it and we rocked out, haha. Good times.

blah: Last week, I tried texting my ex to see how she was doing. I would call, but she has a new boyfriend and I don't know, if she were to be with him, it would just feel weird. But after getting no response, she hit me up today. We chatted about Stephen Colbert's new haircut for a while, before it turned to the "how are you's" and then finally her boyfriend came up. A BIG part of me was about to pull the "I can't talk about this" card, but I sucked it up and at least answered the text. I feel I am getting better in that department and I will continue to be ok, until I see the first pic of them together or Heaven forbid, actually physically see them together. I think I might lose it, but then I will pull it together. I hope. August is going to be an interesting month, let's just say that.

concerned (with myself): speaking of the girl front, I feel my mind is making a mistake. It's starting to like someone I really shouldn't start liking. It's like when I watched Nick and Norah, I said to my friend, "I think I could fall for someone based on their playlist." Well, that's happening. And just so i'm not a complete weirdo, she is extremely cute. "Adorable" is the word my friend who I would not have known the girl in question about (for blog purposes, we will call her Norah, haha) without has described her. But there are SO many complications with this. Let's start with the major one: she has a boyfriend. Now, let's just keep going. She is starting her second year of college in the fall while I am starting my fifth and regardless of what anyone says, that just seems weird to me, she is VERY religous and while I don't have a problem with that I fear it may clash one day, and did I mention she has a boyfriend? Oh, and the fact that she has no idea I even think she is attractive. That damn self esteem thing is kicking in because she is also really skinny and i'm... not. And just in case I haven't said it, the whole boyfriend thing is a problem. Except that I hear he is a douche and she said in the car today that she was thinking of breaking up with him (not to me, just sort of out loud). But she has an AWESOME taste in music -- lil triva, she was actually at the Taking Back Sunday that I still have not posted about. I doubt anything is going to come of this, but I will still put her in the tags, just in case, haha.

Oh self, what do you do to yourself?

Random lyric of the day:

Where are you now?
As I'm swimming through the stereo
I'm writing you a symphony of sound
Where are you now?
As I rearrange the songs again
This mix could burn a hole in anyone
But it was you I was thinking of