I Should Be Studying

I've gotten some new followers lately and I would like to say thanks to all of you. And also I'm sorry. This isn't my usual kind of post, so please bare with me.

(sidenote: I am horrible at following wordpress blogs. I usually just see what's in my blogger dashboard and forget to check my reader. I lost a good follower by not paying attention to her because she had a wordpress account and I kept forgettin to check it...)

Anyways, I'm at a weird point right now. Some things are making me really excited, like the fact that March is here and that is bringing two concerts that I just found out I am going to this weekend (Envy on the Coast, Pendulum), Wrestlemania, Spring Break and of course Alice in Wonderland on Friday.

But I feel like that is all I'm looking forward to and when I'm not looking forward to these things, then other things just aren't that great right now. I'm sure a couple of readers can relate to this (in fact, I know some can) but school is starting to come down on me. And I am the kind of guy that waits till the last minute. And sometimes I just feel defeated. Like right now. I have two classes that I feel really good about and two that I am like "why the hell did I sign up for this?" I just want to graduate. But even that is bringing it's own problems. Sort of.

I have to decide where I want to intern. I've sent out applications and such, but right now it's looking like it's going to come down to three places: South Dakota, Montgomery or staying right here in Auburn. Now, those become "choices" only if I get accepted. But we will see...

I think what's been getting to me is that people have been bailing on me lately. Like, it's starting to become a pattern. To the point where my over-analyzing self is questioning if it's just a random set of coincidence or is there something about me that makes it easy for people to bail.

Sometimes I just feel that nice guy complex. Like that I am too nice. But truth be told, I don't really have an asshole bone in my body. By the way, if you guessed that I am not only talking about friendships but relationships as well, you would be right. I guess it's got to the point where I have been single for a good while now. And at the sake of getting "all emo up in here" I've honestly kind of gotten a little bit lonely. But again, I'm at that weird position where I am also not actively seeking anything because I don't know where I am going to be in a matter of months and don't want to end up in anything complicated.

Some days I am just thankful for my friends. And I'm talking about the real friends, the ones you can count on your hand. What I hate is that most of them are spread out and on days I break down and just send simple texts stating: "I wish we lived closer." But then I am thankful that Frisco has been right here by my side since day one of our freshman year. We talked today about how "the end" may come in May, may come in August. It's going to be a sad, sad day.

Really, I have no idea what this post is supposed to be about. I just started typing. I feel I have been slacking on commenting on blogs lately but as you can see I have a few things rolling around in my head and I'm just trying to make sense of it all.

What's crazy is that I will probably wake up tomorrow, stress about this test, take it and then come home and be in a great mood and think to myself "I shouldn't have posted this." But for now it seems like a good idea.

I made a commitment to myself that I am going to see Envy On The Coast on the 11th, even if I have to go alone (some friends can't make it, some said they will go but are kind of unreliable). And I really hope this time around they perform "Lapse," which is the RLOTD for this post, I guess making it not so random.

Random Lyric of the Day:

it's not as deep as it seems
and unfair as it may be
i'm just here to remind you
remind you not to forget to remember me

now i've died, you question so much
i don't possess the strength to answer straight
and no, i'm not afraid, at least not to die
i'm afraid to live and not remember why
sweet chemical indifference
i can't stop, can't change the evident

predisposed to perpetual sickness
i refuse to let you all be witness
make sure the needle is clean when you let me go back to sleep
and situate the piece of her picture underneath my fingers
it protects me in my dreams

it's not as deep as it seems
and unfair as it may be
i'm just here to remind you
remind you not to forget to remember me

Not Sure How To React

Apologies for the double posting, but I am facing a dilemma. I am wondering if I am starting to become uptight, or if I am finally starting to have some values and beliefs. For example, I realized some time ago that I don't like the "F" word. Not Fuck, cuz I love that word. I fucking love that word. But, and it pains me type it, the word "faggot" or even "fag." I have no idea how it started, as I am a heterosexual man myself. However, I am also white and the N word offends me as well. I remember a time when all the cool white kids were even calling each other "nigga" and even that bothered me. Maybe it is because I even got caught up in it and it slipped out one time and my roommate pulled me to the side and told me that it bothered him. I have not had a gay person say to me that the f word offends them, but I'm pretty sure it is the equivalent. This has nothing to do with what brought me to this post, just a setup.

I get on facebook tonight, and see this as a status.

When i heard about the JayZ vs Eminem DJ Hero game i immediately thought Big Lipped Monkey vs The Wigger King. All in all it's like winning the special Olympics, no matter who wins you're both retarded.

This was from a guy that I sorta knew in high school and for a while he went to the same college as I did. He may still, but I don't really keep up with him. But for whatever reason, this status slightly offended me a little bit.

So I wonder what you think? Do I need to lighten up? Is it offensive? Is it just not funny? Or is there a different type of reaction?

(Editor's Note: I have no idea why the copied and pasted portion is showing up the way it looks. I apologize if it is hard to read)

Connecting Alabama, Georgia, Florida, and... South Dakota?

So not sure how long any of you have been following, but if you have been here for a while you will that my sister and I are very close. There have been pictures and posts about visiting Crestview, Florida, where her and her husband live. But something I am not sure I have explained before, but will be explained in one of the last posts I promised I would dedicate this week before taking some time off (from writing -- not posting). In the following story, you will see exactly what we are -- and what the future holds for us.

Laurie and I became friends around 8th grade. One of those situations where we were seated next to each other and one conversation led to another and soon we were becoming good friends. It was phone calls after school and venting when my girlfriend broke up with me then proceeded to mess with other guys in my class. She was my original bff you could say. I remember one time we went to a roller skating rink on a class trip and she didn't want to go because she couldn't skate, but I promised her I would stay with her. Until the girl I was crushing on told me to come skate with her. And I left Laurie to stumble by herself. Yea, I got a lot of flack for that, haha.

In the summer of 2001 (Note: 2001 was a terrible year for me. That year could get it's own blog post) I was facing the tough decision of moving back to California or stay in Alabama for high school, where I had been living since 3rd grade. It was back and forth, with at one point I even went to freshman orientation at a school in Modesto, CA. But two people ultimately had the influence at the time to bring me back. One was Keyo (which is crazy, because we aren't even really friends anymore) and the other was Laurie. So when I came back, I learned that her mom had separated from her boyfriend. At this same time, my dad had just gone through a divorce. So we came up with the idea of setting them on a date. They agreed to it and then the next few months just happened so fast. They moved in together, got engaged and then got married. All the sudden I had a new family. Laurie was now my sister.

We only became closer as it was clear our parents married too fast and maybe weren't exactly right for each other. It made us have to depend on each other more. During our senior year of high school (we are the same age) she was doing cheerleading and JROTC stuff after school and I was working and we would get home at about the same time. We always missed dinner, but she would always take care of it, making us something. The two of us started to feel like a family, even if our parents didn't show it really.

Then, one day it became too much for her. This day started the only downward spiral we had ever had. I can't even remember the exact incident, but I came home one day to find that she had moved out of the house we were staying at and living with her dad, who lived in the same town. I tried to play it off, but I was hurt. Hurt because we had made a pact. We both said that no matter how bad it got with our parents, we would never abandon each other. And I felt like she did. She was still my sister, but at school she was just a classmate. And I HATED it. I remember at one point we even had a fallout because I got caught saying some stuff on my mind to a friend that got back to her. We eventually sat down and talked about it. But by then, senior year was over -- I was getting ready to leave for Auburn and she was getting ready to stay and go to the community college. We tried to keep in touch, but it kind of fell through. To be honest, she was doing things and hanging out with people that we will just say I didn't agree with. My entire freshman year went by and our connection was hanging by a thread, but we still had one.

Then, in August of 2006, at the beginning of my sophomore year of college, I got a phone call. She asked me what I was doing and I told her I was playing video games. She then asked if I could come to Ozark the next day because she was getting married. This totally came out of nowhere because the guy she was marrying was someone she dated for years in high school, but to everyone's knowledge they had not stayed in touch for a while. So, being the brother I am, got out of work early the next day and sped down the road in time to make it for the wedding. Little did I know that that day would be a catalyst for the change in both of our lives.

The guy, Luis, and I had always been friends. I actually knew him before he started dating Laurie. He had been in the Air Force for about a year before they got married. He spent that time doing basic and all that good stuff, but after their marriage, he got stationed in Augusta, Georgia. I visited them once and I really liked the vibe. Then, a few months later they got stationed at Eglin Air Force Base, located in the Crestview/Destin/Ft. Walton area of Florida. This area was only a few hours away from where I lived. All the sudden, without the people she was hanging out with and with her new situation, there were more phone calls. We started inching becoming closer again. In a weird but funny part of the story, a videogame by the name of Halo brought us together to the point where we are now. I don't know if anyone is familiar with that game, but it's basically a shooting game you can play over Xbox Live. One day, Laurie got tired of watching Luis play it all the time so she jumped on and we all became addicted (my roommate jumped on too). It got to the point where we were playing everynight and we noticed was happening was we got used to talking to each other where when the game died down we would still call because we were so used to it.

There house became my spot. Even after our latest ripple in the pond. As I have mentioned earlier, our parents weren't exactly great together. And in January of this year, what we thought came true as they finally filed for divorce. So now, we are not even technically family. However, my feeling is that after 8 years of being family, you don't just stop. In fact, I think it sort of made us stronger because we could vent to each other because the other understood. Our parents understand too. They understand that even though a piece of paper initially told us we were familair, another one just couldn't come and tell us we weren't. So the visits continued without stop. I would start out visiting about once every few months to literally at least once a month, with one month maxing out at three visits. This was also amped up because in the last year I have gone through a pretty horrible break up and they were referred to as "my team." I couldn't have gotten through it without them. But after three years of closeness and constant visiting, it seems I will have to.

About a month or so ago, we got the news. Luis switched jobs, and because he did he lost the privilege to choose to stay at the base where they are at now. So where will be they be living at the end of October? If you saw the title of the blog, you would have guessed it -- South Dakota. At first, I was crushed. We all were. But now, we have kind of accepted it. We will still talk everyday, as we do now, but the visits have been drastically altered. Instead of once or twice a month, it will have to go to once or twice a year (I have already started looking into plane tickets for Christmas/New Year's). The only other thing that has to be changed, is I was looking at living with them for a while after graduation to get off my feet so to speak. Now that they will be in South Dakota, it may not be that easy, but at least it will be possible.

(I just realized how long this is. Kudos again for you if you have read. And I'm sorry if it's not understandable. I am too tired to go back and proofread)

So, in summay, the move sucks. But we are looking forward to it now. We have to. I am sort of an optimist and I feel it has started to rub off on them. And I guess it sucks to trade sunshine for snow, but hey, at least there will be snow :)

It's Good To Be Back

I feel like I haven't had a real post in forever. If you count the Inglorious Basterds review, it hasn't been since the 20's of August. Now, that may not seem like a long time, but there was a time that I was going at it, churning out about 4-5 blogs a week. I don't know what happened, I guess I hit a stump. But that stops now... sort of.

This past weekend I wanted to sit down and give an update on all things Mr O. However, I was realizing that there was quite a bit I had to say and I was about to stuff it into one mega post. But I have done that before and got some good advice on maybe splitting them up and giving each subject its own attention. So that is what I'm going to do. So for this next week, I am dedicating myself to a post a night. To get these things off my chest. But there is a catch at the end.

After this week of blogging, I am done for a while. No, I am not necessarily taking a break, but I will admit I am in a slump and instead of not writing anything, I will be posting short videos for a while. These videos are going to consist of the ones we took we took during our road trip back in May. Some may be boring, some I feel are entertaining. But I do feel it will be cool to see the progression of the trip. And there are plenty of videos so when it's done I should come back with lots to talk about. So look out for those (and hopefully enjoy them) starting next week.

But now, let's start this week of blogging off with an update on my post from last week. This whole "getting it off my chest thing" is good because I want to talk about it once and then move on. It's sort of therapeutic that way. But here goes...

I know everybody has been in this situation. You hang out with someone from the opposite sex for long enough and sooner or later one or the other starts to have feelings. Maybe not 100% does it happen that way, but it's very rare that it doesn't. And even if you don't, everybody around you thinks you guys like each other anyway. I have been on both ends. The blogger from "this is me; consequently" is my bfff. We are that rare exception in that we have been friends and only friends and it has never gotten complicated and never will. We have the brother/sister thing going on where we each have to approve of the others significant others. And trust me, I have shown my disapproval before. But recently, with another friend, I found myself on the other end.

JB went to the same high school I attended, though I was leaving as she was entering. She made her way to Auburn last year, any by way of a mutual friend, we became casual friends at first. Soon, it became where we were hanging out with each other almost 4 nights a week on average. One thing that pulled us to each other was that we were both going through pretty serious break ups at the time and we kind of helped each other out. Just in a "hey, I know what you're going through" kind of way.

I had always thought she was attractive, but not enough to make a move. And at one point, I realized I needed a friend more than I needed someone to get with. So that's what we did. We became each other's best friend. I have been there for her during each asshole she has hooked up with and she has been there for me each time I relapsed so to speak with my ex and the one time I almost moved on to somebody new. However, my friends would ask about us. One specifically said "when are you going to hook up with her" and my answer was "it's not like I haven't thought about it, but we are just better friends."

Here might be the most lighthearted part of this post. The two of us decided to watch "Made of Honor" and I realized it was killing me to watch it with her. The more I watched it, the more I realized that the two people in that movie was us. To make things worse, Taylor Swift's newest song kind of reflects my situation (I know, weird that I am using her as a reference). But once again, we would sit in the car and jam out to it and that's when I started to notice I had feelings for her. I began to notice that when she would tell me about how these guys are doing her wrong, I just wanted to yell to her that I would be better than any of them. Whenever I would think of the girl I would like to be with, I realized it wasn't just a mystery person, but an image of her face that came to mind.

So, I decided I had to tell her. Mainly, because of those two dreaded words, "What If." The next day after I posted that blog, I went to her house. It got awkward for a few minutes cuz I didn't know how to start. But then I just took a deep breath and launched into it. Told her how I came to realize I liked her as more than a friend and that I knew it wasn't just me missing anybody, but that I liked being around her, and when I wasn't, I just looked forward to the next time I was.

When I was done, she said "Well I guess this is where I'm sposed to say something" followed by "I don't really know what to say." Needless to say, she didn't feel the same way. But it was cool. In my speech, I had said that if her reaction was that she doesn't feel the same, could we just go back to the way it was, and that's exactly what we did. Five minutes later, we were on youtube checking out some stupid videos. The next day, I went to her house and we jammed to some music she had. Nothing had changed. A week later, and everything is the same as it was two weeks ago. Which is great.

So in the end, though I didn't get the results I wanted, I'm glad I did it. I don't want to sound cocky, but I feel like she is missing out on finally being with that "great guy" she wants to be with. Maybe I am overlooked because I'm not exactly as "cute" as the other guys she has seen. I acknowledge the fact that I am not going be the guy at the party that all the girls want to hook up with. But I also know, once again without being cocky, that I am a better guy that 85% of those that the girls just want to hook up with. But going back to the end result, it felt good to take a chance. Though I wish she would have said something. At least a "that's really great to here, but I'm sorry I don't feel the same." But I got nothing. Like it was understood. That was the only part that sucks. But it could be a lot worse, so I'm not complaining.

So with that said, her story is done. It doesn't bother me. I went for something, didn't get it, and moved on. Simple as that. I still have her as a great friend, so I'm content. And who knows, maybe "that girl" will still come along someday. I'd sure as hell like to hope so.

If you actually read all this, Thank You. Seriously. Now I am off to listen to the rest of the new Muse cd.

Random lyric of the day:

To ten million fireflies
I'm weird cuz I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell (said farewell)
But I'll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
Cuz I saved a few and I keep them in a jar

Breathe In, Breathe Out

Tomorrow, if the opportunity comes through, I am going to do something I have been putting off for a long time.

I've racked my head with it for weeks now. Figuring out what I'm going to say, how I'm going to say it, if I should even say it. But it's been tugging at me too long and I feel I have to get it out and let whatever happens, happen.

This can go one of three ways:

1) I will be the happiest person in the world

2) I will have made the biggest mistake ever and regret this day forever

3) Nothing will happen. Nothing will change. And that will be fine.

Details later. But for now, let's hope for 1 or 3.

Random lyric of the day:

So you don't know where you're going
But you want to talk
And you feel like you're going where you've been before
You'll tell anyone who will listen but you feel ignored
Nothing's really making any sense at all

Hello August

So this month has finally arrived. After a year of anticipation, and not the good kind, August is here. The event that is the reason for the unanticipation doesn't occur for another few weeks or so, but still, it's here. I remember posting a blog on myspace a few months after the break up titled "August 2009" with the lyrics to a Vampire Weekend song that went "Then I see you You're walking cross the campus Cruel professor Studying romances How am I supposed to pretend I never want to see you again?" But I guess that's what I have to do now. Pretend. Or do I? Of all the awesome comments on the last post that I talked about this subject, the coolest thing to see was a bunch of people said I sounded like I was past what I once was. So maybe I won't have to pretend. Maybe I really never want to see her again. Honestly, I think it is that way. If I didn't have the knowledge that she was returning to school here, I would have nothing to be nervous about. But hopefully, it is like a lot of events in my life and I am making more of a deal than it really is. The one thing that sucks is it makes me realize that I want out of this town. It has been good to me, but I am ready to graduate, ready to move on, ready to get in this "real world" that everybody tells me about it. I know it's going to be hard and a slap in the face, but I'm ready to get slapped, ya know, so I can bounce back and get my life started. I just feel like for the next year my life is on pause. All I want to do is press play.

But hey, I guess if a month I am dreading is coming, it's nice to ring it in in style. On Tuesday, I went to Warped Tour and had one of the best days this summer. More details on that when I get all the pics together from the other two concerts of the summer (after I attend the Incubus one -- the last one -- in a couple of weeks). But last night I randomly got in the car and made the hour and a half trip to see Jme. Watched a couple not so great movies (New in Town, Inkheart) but got homemade doughnuts and was able to get out of the house and see a good friend, so it evened out the bad cinematic adventure. On my way home from her house, I stopped in Montgomery and visited with an old friend and it was really good catching up. After watching Flight of the Conchords for the first time at Jme's, when I got home I tried to go find a place to rent it, but I found it on sale and just purchased it. I have always heard the songs, but now seeing the episodes, it's like they come together. I have only seen the first three, but I am hooked. Then watched the first half of a movie in my top 30, Sleepers, before my roommate left and now I am here. Anticipating another lazy Sunday.

So I have a few ideas in the works. Some are for some regular posts in the style of Under My Covers, but one is for a guest blog contest. This will probably in my next post, so WATCH OUT.

Lastly, a week or so ago I was tagged by Love, Lila in her post "I'd Like to Thank the Academy". She revealed seven facts about herself, and I figured since I was tagged, I will do the same.

Before I do these, let me give a short description. Some of these are going to be the "boring" facts. You will see what I mean when the list starts. But first is about my name. For some reason, when I started I was really hesitant to use my name. I see a lot of people who use their name and some that use pseudonyms, but I've come to trust you guys. So while it will still be Mr O, cuz I just like that and it's easier, for you guys I guess I will introduce myself.

Fact 1: Mr O stands for Matthue Ryan Okarmus, my full name. I don't know what origin my last name is and my mom's story for the spelling of my first name is the drugs that she was on while giving birth gave her the idea. But it's unique.

Fact 2: I was born on December 15, 1986 in Modesto, California.

Fact 3: My parents divorced around the time I turned two. My mom went on to remarry four times but is currently single and living in California. My dad remarried two times, but is currently in a new relationship and living in Alabama.

Fact 4: How I got to Alabama was my dad's second wife joined the military when I was eight and she got stationed in Ft. Rucker, Alabama. We moved there, she got out of the army and we decided to stay.

Fact 5: My dad's third marriage was a parent trap sort of deal. My friend and I both had parents who were newly single and we decided to get them together. It worked and we were a family for 8 years before they divorced early this year. Though technically they are no longer together, we still consider ourselves sister and brother because we went through enough things to be considered family. That is the story of the sister in Crestview that I constantly talk about.

Fact 6: My mom's second marriage was to a Japanese man who produced my half, twin brothers. They are four years younger than me and grew up without me, them in California and myself in Alabama. We are as close as the distance allows and I have always hated this particular fact.

Fact 7: My Grandpa on my mom's and my dad's side are the two most influential people in my life, teaching me life lessons that I still carry to this day. Years ago, I found out neither were my biological relative. And I don't care.

So there they were. I would have made them more lighthearted, but I did those a month or so ago. And yea, i think it's cool if you guys get to know me now. But part of the rule is that I have to tag seven other people. There are a couple people that ALWAYS get tagged with stuff, so I figure I will give them a break. So here goes:

Lola Lakely at Lola Lakely: Life, Love, & The Pursuit of Insanity
Sarah.c.Kramm at Post Crown Chronicles
The Caped Tirader at The Caped Tirader!
Tennyson ee Hemingway at Andy Warhol Goes Shopping
Girl Interrupted at A World So Small
Soda and Candy at Soda and Candy Stories
Jaime at What Do You Say

You guys should have some fun with it.

Random video of the day:



Random lyric of the day:

I love it girl
The way your lip looks after you apply the gloss
I love you girl girl
You look right in the screen and take it off off

See I cant wait till I get a little taste of you
And I just upgraded to 10-80-i hi def just for you

My digital girl girl girl girl girl girl
Shes my digital girl girl girl girl girl girl girl

These words pour out when I open my mouth

I feel like all my posts in recent weeks have either been Wordless Wednesdays or links to songs and all that stuff and I KNOW you guys are going "But Mr O, what's been going on with your life?" Even though I just made that up (I don't know what you guys think) here is an actual "post" that the description of my blog talks about.

The other day, I had all these events and thoughts that I was going to put into this but I have forgotten them. So this post is going to be freestyled. Not even I know how it's going to end.

I think I just made a mistake. I made a Coldplay B-side playlist to listen to right now and one of the tracks is piano heavy. So I guess I will start with the deep stuff first. Right now, there are two things dominating my mind. One is a family issue that may or may not happen so therefore won't get talked about right now and the other is next month. It's so crazy to me to think that August will be one year since my girlfriend of three years officially, after three or four semi-breakups, ended our relationship. We were actually still complicated for a while and I guess we didn't officially stop whatever the hell it is we were doing until late January early February. But still, a year since the final break up and my craziness that came afterward. I hate that I was “that guy.” Calling her every day and pleading for a chance to make things right. I hate it not only because of how stalkerish it felt but now I just feel embarrassed for myself. I tried to do everything and for what? It got me nowhere and in man terms just made me look (and feel) like a little bitch. Everytime that I pleaded for her to come and she did everything on her own time. Even now. Since last August, after a weak week attempt at trying school, she has been home ever since, missing what could have been her last year in undergraduate school. Next month, she comes back. Did I mention we started dating a few days before high school graduation and were steady the first three years of college? So I feel like this past year that she left me. Not only on a relationship level, but just being there – in my life. And now she is coming back. I don't know how to react because I have recently finally started to have a life without her. A life where I don't see a sappy movie and think of her. I just know my own emotions and I don't know how they are going to handle her living in the same town again. A few months ago she got into a new relationship so that may explain why there has been no contact. As far as I know, they are still together. For my sanity's sake, I hope they stay together so no temptations will creep in. I've warned all my friends that I may need them in the next month or two now more than ever.

Speaking of friends, I am getting to the point where I am starting to consider some of my blogger followers and people I follow “friends” as well. We may never actually see each other, but I have connected with some of you more than some people that call themselves my friend. With that said, I'm warning all you guys as well – I may need to come to you guys in the next month or two, haha. Even if it's just you clicking on a blog title.

And let's try to lighten this up a little. I am really appreciating all the nice comments whenever I do a music post like Under My Covers. Especially the ones who say they are hearing it for the first time, it just makes me smile because that is my mission. But I feel music is like Christmas – it's great to give and receive. I will never walk around like I know all music because that's impossible. So as much as I love to put music out there, I love to receive it even more. In the past week I have listened to cd's that I got by winning jeanette's blog contest and have found a few new gems, youtubed this nice acoustic version of "Let Go" after a couple of comments from the Garden State version of Under My Covers and stayed on Melissa's post for an hour clicking play repeatedly listening to jazz. And that's another thing. I am mostly an alternative rock kind of guy, but I really do listen to everything. “Make Her Say” by Kid Cudi, Kanye West and Common is one of my favorite tracks right now. And just planned – in October I will be going to my second drum and bass show. That combined with the Incubus show in August and a *possible* Blink-182 show in September and these next few months are looking nice.

Speaking of shows, I finally got confirmation and on Tuesday I will be sweating my ass off in Atlanta while attending Warped Tour. Last year, there were two bands I HAD to see – Pierce the Veil and Gym Class Heroes. I saw GCH twice, a regular set and then an acoustic set in the afternoon, and PTV stole the show. This year, I don't have that one single band I want to see but I will definitely be looking out for a few. And since I will probably be stoked coming from the show, I will talk more about the bands in a later post.

Movie wise the past two few days have been interesting. On Friday, I was hanging out with J Beezy when a friend of hers asked her to go see The Ugly Truth. She pretty much told me I was coming along to make the thing better and Hedman ended up coming with us. What was really crazy was that the point of going was to go with the friend of hers, but we didn't even sit with them. Hedman and I were complaining at the beginning (let me stop right there – I don't want to make it seem like I hate romantic comedies. They are actually a guilty pleasure. But this movie just did not look good to me) and we laughed pretty hard at the idea of walking out in the first 30 seconds. But we stayed – and laughed. Jeannette doesn't feel the same way, haha, but it was much better than I expected. I am still waiting for Katherine Heigl to come out and bash the movie now.

But then last night we FINALLY saw Ice Age 3 in 3D and it was pretty much awesome. Those little squirrels – they get me everytime. And I think after this and Up, I am starting to dig these 3D movies. But the best 3D movie of all hasn't even come out yet. But it will be here March 5, 2010. I think I have watched the trailer like five times already. If you haven't yet, it's in my very important date to the upper left of this post.

If you have read this far, you are awesome. But the other small thing that has been stressing me out is taking over and I feel like this is coming to a close because of it. I have class in the morning and we only have a week left. It's a photojournalism class, so it's not that hard but all the assignments finally got dates and they are all due in the next week. In the past few days I have gotten most of them done, but I tried to do one today that didn't come out so well. I am hoping the teacher has got some advice for me or else i'm screwed. But off to sleep to be prepared for that.

Oh, and sorry that no house party happened this weekend. But hopefully your night is free tomorrow. I'm making waffles :)

Random lyric of the day:

Mmmm whatcha say,
Mmm that you only meant well?
well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say,
Mmmm that it's all for the best?
of course it is
Mmmm whatcha say?
Mmmm that it's just what we need
you decided this
whatcha say?

Under My Covers, Vol. 4 (Garden State edition)

*So I usually try not to double post on a day, but hey -- first time for everything, right?

*Also, this post is going to be all over the place emotion wise.

So as much as I consider myself knowledgeable in music, I also consider myself somewhat of a movie buff. However, there are still some great movies out there that I haven't seen. Until tonight, one of those movies was Garden State.

I liked it. I think if I would have saw it at a time when everyone else saw it, I would have it up there in my top 10. But as of right now, I can't budge any movies out of there. To me, a really good movie is when I am still thinking about it afterward and this was one of those.

First off, I want to say that I am convinced that the girl I fall for and ultimately be with is someone who shares my taste in music and I find out and immediately become attracted. That is kinda what happened with the Norah chick. I was falling for her because of her playlist, hence the blog nickname. But the scene where Zach Braff meets Natalie Portman and she tells him to listen to the Shins, oh man, I probably would have asked her to marry me right there. I'm not a huge Shins fan or anything, but for a girl to do that is match made in Heaven material.

I related to some of the deep scenes in this movie. Like, the very beginning when it looked like the plane was crashing and he was just all calm. It reminded me of the scene in Fight Club when he prayed for a plane crash. Sometimes, I am just driving and my mind drifts to what would happen if I got in a wreck right at that moment. I know it sounds really weird, but these thoughts come to my head sometimes so it felt good to relate in a way. It's crazy because whether facing a wreck or a plane crashing (i have those images whenever I go to visit Cali) for some reason I am calm about it as well. I'm not ready to die or anything, far from it, but I guess it's just one of those "what are you gonna do about it" kinda things. Also, the scene where he is talking with his dad and he says something along the lines of "we don't have to be happy, we can just be ok being what we are" it made me think of me and my dad's relationship. We have never had that closeness that some father and sons have had, but in the past year or two we have gotten, not closer, but better. And I related somewhat because I think we are both reaching a point where we are ok with being ok.

My only gripe about the movie was at the very end. I liked the scene for what it was, but for the first time in any movie (or wonderfully fantastic tv show) I felt like Braff overacted. When he was talking to her on the steps and when he got her from the phone booth, it was hard to buy into it. But I still liked it. I just wish he would have toned it down a bit.

But of course, what did I like most about the movie? The soundtrack. I mean, the first song was a Coldplay track. For those of you who don't know, Taking Back Sunday and Coldplay alternate between my number 1 and number 2 favorite positions (A Rush of Blog to the Head is a reference to a Coldplay track). But then there was more great music throughout the movie, which prompts today's covers. That's right, two covers.

1) Such Great Heights -- This song was played in the second half of the movie and it was the Iron and Wine version. The original is by the Postal Service on a cd that brings back memories of freshman year of college for me. I love it because both versions are both so different, but sound so great.

Original version by The Postal Service

Cover version by Iron and Wine

2) We Will Become Silhouettes -- Ok, so this song wasn't in the movie. However, the above song was originally by The Postal Service and so is the one below and the cover is by the only band name dropped in the movie -- The Shins. Once again, both versions are different (though, not AS different -- one is just more acoustic). But both, once again, are great.

Original version by The Postal Service

Cover version by The Shins




So there's that.




Random lyric of the day:

We live in a beautiful world,
Yeah we do, yeah we do,
We live in a beautiful world,
Oh, we're sinking like stones,
All that we fought for,
All those places we've gone,
All of us are done for.

Celebrations and Contemplations

50th post today, YES!!!! It seems like it was just three or so months ago I started this little thing. Oh wait, it was. Man, I get addicted fast...

Anyways, this post, once again, is going to be all over the place. Look for storytelling, random bits, and responses. Ready? GO!

*I am currently listening to Bob Marley while writing this. I have to admit, I got into him WAY late. Although, I still wouldn't consider myself "into" him. but I like him now. During our road trip, he popped up a lot. Anyways, he puts me in a good mood. And that is always a good thing.

*Tonight was random, but fun. I had sort of plans to hang out with this girl tonight, but when the day started I thought "I really don't want to do this." So I made myself busy, figuring out that J Beezy is going to be gone next week so I told this girl that I would reschedule and hang out next week so I can visit with J Beezy for a bit. We ended up meeting up with a another friend (trivia wise -- the friend that this girl made out with) and went to a random lake. I didn't bring my swimwear (they weren't ready for that visual anyways) but Hedman (the dude) brought some guns so I shot some beer cans. Good old Alabama fun, huh? Afterward, we went back to J Beezy's and played some Mario Party on the Wii. I definitely think I am getting hooked on Mario Party, both the DS or Wii version.

*Let's get this little bit out of the way. Last night, we took a trip home and back to put some random stuff we have had in the house I live in to put it in my dad's storage shed. While there, I met up with some people that are still in that area that we haven't seen in a while such as an old roommate of mine who is now married with a kid. Since I haven't seen her in at least two years, that was good. Sat with another friend of mine where she worked at PoFolks (a southern restaurant). She was actually the friend that a few posts ago made me question whether I go to Crestview too much. She sort of said something again.

Me: "I don't know where I will be after college, but it won't be here, in this state."

Her (with an attitude): "Yea, it will probably be in Crestview."

Me: "Was there attitude in there?"

Her: "Yea, I'm just jealous cuz you always go there, but you never visit here."

Me: "Let me ask you a question, what does my house look like?"

It was nice to shut her down seeing as how I have been living at the same spot for two years, a spot she has yet to see, and she tried to make me feel bad for not seeing her enough. It was great. But that wasn't the best part of the night. This was:

*In order to go to the storage shed, I had to pass the gas station where my ex-girlfriend (who, I have officially changed in these blogs to be labeled as "you") works. I told my friend who was riding with me that if her car was there, I was going to kind of freak out, but if it wasn't I would be ok. Well, her car was there, and she was outside smoking. Then I saw her hug a dude. As a friend of mine said, it's like being hit with a sledgehammer. We got to the shed and I called J Beezy to ask if I should walk in there. She said yes, I agreed and so we did. I walked in first, went straight for the drinks, and she saw my friend first. When he mentioned that he was with me, he said her face went to shock (my "home" is two hours away, so for me to be there on a Wednesday is really random) then she saw me. We gave our awkward waves, but when I got up there, I got a hug, he got a hug, you said you were glad we came in, I paid for my stuff, and left. Nevermind that my hands were nervously shaking when reaching to my wallet or I stuttered when talking to you or that I about passed out when it was over. Best part though? You told me I should say hi to your friend (which we don't get along -- that is a whole nother post entirely). So I walked up to her, said what's up and hoped she was doing good. I can tell by the look on her face it totally messed her up, in that she wasn't expecting that at all. But as far as you go, hopefully, now that it's over, when you come back in August to go to school, it won't be so bad.

*What won't be so bad? This weekend. I know I go to Crestview to see my sister a lot, but this weekend is special. Her sister and her sister's husband and thier kids are coming. I love her kids. They are somewhere around 7,6 and 4. I need to double check that. But expect plenty of pictures after this weekend. And we are all meeting up for UFC 100 featuring Brock Lesnar (who I like and my sister hates). Our rule during the fights is that everybody picks who is going to win each fight and if you lose you have to take a shot. So this could be fun.

*Final thing to say: followers and comments. I am very appreciative to all the new followers I have gotten. I have tried to check out your blogs as well, but forgive me if I haven't made my way over there yet. Next week, I plan to check out not only them, but the other two guys that the girl recommended over on her blog. And I plan to go check out some old posts I haven't gotten to read, most notably some of Melissa's stories. But I try to leave little small comments (or in jeanette's or the girl's cases, mini stories). And due to request, I have tried to get into the habit of returning comments left on my page. I am still a rookie, but I am getting there. The only one I don't respond too is Wordless Wednesdays, as I try to play up the whole "wordless" thing. But if I have been slacking, I apologize but I will get on the ball. Starting soon. Trust me.

Random lyric of the day:

Look up, I look up at night,
Planets are moving at the speed of light.
Climb up, up in the trees,
every chance that you get,
is a chance you seize.
How long am I gonna stand,
with my head stuck under the sand?
I'll start before I can stop,
before I see things the right way up.

Ignorance is your new best friend

Paramore has a new song out (check out the title). The Used came out with a song last week. Both cd's come out in September. September is going to be a good month :)

Where do I begin? Did everybody have a good 4th? It could have been better for me, but it was still great. You see, I should throw out a warning, this post has the potential to be all over the place -- highs, lows, lefts and rights -- as I am probably going to write until I fall asleep.

Got to Crestview Thursday night and basically just chilled. Let me say for the record that I know the song "Ain't No Rest for the Wicked" by Cage the Elephant is good, but the entire cd is great also. Perfect driving music. The next day my sister had to work, so my brother-in-law and I went to get him a new xbox (he got the dreaded red ring of death) and spent a few hours in Destin. Drank just a little bit when we got back, just enough to get tired, haha. (Ok Jme, I give you credit, but brother-in-law has officially been shortened to bil). He said that we were going to be asleep soon and after we decided to watch Madea Goes to Jail, 20 minutes later she was out. However, woke up the next morning to some awesome pancakes and bacon before we headed out to meet one of her friends in Destin. Attempted to watch some fireworks but it was kind of lame from our vantage point so we called it. Sister and her friend did more drinking than to get to sleep, so I laughed at them for a bit before said friend left and woke up to some outside family drama but we cooled it off by watching Zack and Miri. Basically chilled for the rest of the night, I skipped class this morning to stay the night there, but made my way back this afternoon amidst a monsoon of rain. Today was much of the same -- chillin.

So that was my weekend. Cool, but not very exciting. I skipped over the whole "drama" thing because I'm honestly tired of it and we are still sort of dealing with it. One reason is because I will be right back there this weekend, but that weekend has been planned due to UFC 100 and the Brock Lesnar fight. Should be some good times, let's hope.

I had some mixed feelings about this weekend. You see, last year on the fourth, there was a UFC fight that weekend. (We call them "Fight Nights" at my sister's). My girlfriend at the time accompanied me down there and though we had fought some weeks before, that weekend was the starting downfall to our eventual (final) breakup. A little backstory: even though I mention drinking here and there, I have my own personal convictions against drugs. I don't condemn people that drink, smoke and do all that, but I personally don't do it. I drink a little bit, but when I mention "drinking" in this conversation, I am talking more of people who are drunk 4 nights out of the week. But like I said, I would never say anything to said people as it is their choice -- same as it is mine not to. However, do to family history, the only people I do say stuff to is members of the family and REAL good friends. The number one thing I can't stand is cigarettes. Forget all the health risks, it is just plain nasty to me. And pretty much everybody in my family minus my dad has smoked and I have just been tired of it. Well before that weekend, I knew my girlfriend has smoked a few times. She said she did when she drank because it "made her more drunk." Well, I had always voiced my opinion. It was simply this: I'm not going to tell you not to, but I really don't want to be with a girl that does that. On this weekend, my sister and some other people are outside smoking, myself and some of the guys are inside playing video games or something, but the door swings open and there she is, smoking a cigarette that my sister gave to her. It messed me up for the rest of the night due to a couple of reasons. One thing I was thinking was "how could she do that knowing how I feel about it" and the other was "why am I getting so upset about this?" I tried to play it off, but I'm not good about hiding my emotions, she noticed and the next day we got into a huge fight about it. During the fight, I even realized that I was being a little controlling, even though I was trying my hardest to not. But I feel like the damage had already been done. She broke up with me about a month later (if you think this post is personal, wait till that time frame comes around). After it happened, I wished to take it back. I would try to convince her that I didn't care if she smoked, I would just deal with it. I didn't want something like that to keep us apart. It ultimately wasn't the cause, but i still feel it was a starting point. So yea, I feel like it's going to take a couple 4th of July weekends to erase that one.

Let's move on to some other topics: 2 things also happened that Saturday.

1) I got a text from J Beezy (name of "friend" i mention here in Auburn) that said Norah (check one of the last blogs) and her boyfriend had just broken up. However, the text came with a sad face. So my moment of happiness was turned to concern. Now, I'm sort of joking because I know this is something serious and like I said previously, I don't even know if she is even slightly into me, but it opens the door for something to maybe happen in the future. I'm not going to wait on it or nothing, but hey, it might happen?

2) Quite possibly the biggest news of the night. As mentioned in a previous post, my best friend Jme (not actual spelling) is getting married. However, we learned this weekend that instead of waiting for two years, the wedding will actually be in December of this year. Also, instead of just being an usher, I am now in the wedding party. My title? "Bridesman." That's right, it will be her sister, myself, and two other girls. I don't think this goes well for my whole gay image thing. But she is my best friend and if she asked me to wear a dress I would do it (please don't).

Not only is she getting married this winter, but she is doing a give away right now. Click here to see if you would be interested.

I have to give some props to some very important people. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. I was kind of in a "funk" today and these guys made me laugh and snap out of it. Thanks.

Tomorrow looks like a good day. I'm going to sleep sort of early because I am worn out after lack of sleep last night and three hour drive today in nasty weather. So should get some good sleep here tonight and then get to download some Green Day tracks on Rock Band and then go see Public Enemies. So tomorrow's post should be better.

Random pics from this weekend:

gettin ready to go out

still rockin the razor

I didn't take this pic, but I like it

blurry fireworks

My sister and I -- taking pictures, it's what we do

Random lyric of the day:

Early morning
The city breaks
I've been callin'
For years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
Ya never send me no letters
You got some kinda nerve
Taking all my world

I'm in a glass case of emotion!

So it's currently near 2 in the morning. I have a class at 8. And I am still awake. Enough to write down my thoughts. Let's do this.

All the emotions I felt today...

bored: Started a new mini semester today, and my first class was... wow. The dude talked for the entire hour and a half. I thought I was the only one suffering until I heard the sighs coming from almost everyone else. It would have been funny if he wasn't so old.

proud: After class, I went on and spoke with my journalism adviser to talk about what classes to take, how many hours I still had left, etc. Anyway, we got to talking about my electives and I told her I thought I had about one or two classes left in my psychology minor. She told me I may need to check again. After talking to a psych adviser, turns out I have completed my minor for psychology. Officially, and I didn't even know. But I was pretty pumped.

crunk: As I have stated, there is a new roommate in the house. Well, I came home from class and I heard him blaring his music. You would think this is a bad thing, but with myself and the roommate big music guys, it actually made me happy. But what made me really happy was that he was playing "Everything Must Go" by Taking Back Sunday. I banged on his door till he opened it and we rocked out, haha. Good times.

blah: Last week, I tried texting my ex to see how she was doing. I would call, but she has a new boyfriend and I don't know, if she were to be with him, it would just feel weird. But after getting no response, she hit me up today. We chatted about Stephen Colbert's new haircut for a while, before it turned to the "how are you's" and then finally her boyfriend came up. A BIG part of me was about to pull the "I can't talk about this" card, but I sucked it up and at least answered the text. I feel I am getting better in that department and I will continue to be ok, until I see the first pic of them together or Heaven forbid, actually physically see them together. I think I might lose it, but then I will pull it together. I hope. August is going to be an interesting month, let's just say that.

concerned (with myself): speaking of the girl front, I feel my mind is making a mistake. It's starting to like someone I really shouldn't start liking. It's like when I watched Nick and Norah, I said to my friend, "I think I could fall for someone based on their playlist." Well, that's happening. And just so i'm not a complete weirdo, she is extremely cute. "Adorable" is the word my friend who I would not have known the girl in question about (for blog purposes, we will call her Norah, haha) without has described her. But there are SO many complications with this. Let's start with the major one: she has a boyfriend. Now, let's just keep going. She is starting her second year of college in the fall while I am starting my fifth and regardless of what anyone says, that just seems weird to me, she is VERY religous and while I don't have a problem with that I fear it may clash one day, and did I mention she has a boyfriend? Oh, and the fact that she has no idea I even think she is attractive. That damn self esteem thing is kicking in because she is also really skinny and i'm... not. And just in case I haven't said it, the whole boyfriend thing is a problem. Except that I hear he is a douche and she said in the car today that she was thinking of breaking up with him (not to me, just sort of out loud). But she has an AWESOME taste in music -- lil triva, she was actually at the Taking Back Sunday that I still have not posted about. I doubt anything is going to come of this, but I will still put her in the tags, just in case, haha.

Oh self, what do you do to yourself?

Random lyric of the day:

Where are you now?
As I'm swimming through the stereo
I'm writing you a symphony of sound
Where are you now?
As I rearrange the songs again
This mix could burn a hole in anyone
But it was you I was thinking of

The Up Side of Down

Drama. You want it? I got it. But that's not what the point of this is. No, it's about dealing with it. I feel I am becoming better at it. Read on...

So the last time we checked in, it had seemed like I had a good time with this girl. Apparently, she didn't have as great as a time. Or maybe she did, but she was "helped" by the margarita she had earlier. I digress, let me start from the beginning.

So I have been kind of feeling her for a while, but also for a while she has had a boyfriend. Although it wasn't a monumental moment in my life because of the (lack of) seriousness, I have been cheated on. A makeout session. And she knew she was going to break up with me, she just hadn't found the opportunity. So it's hard to get upset at that. But still, I never met the guy (still haven't, have no desire to) but I know how it feels. So in the situation with this girl, I wasn't going to be the other guy and make a move. However, we made plans to hang out on a Wednesday. What happened on Tuesday? She became single.

So Wednesday rolls around and she had a horrible day at work and wanted to take me up on the offer to go out and get some mexican food and a margarita. When we came back we watched Revolutionary Road (don't do this) and were getting very cuddly on the couch. It felt nice. Considering my last relationship lasted 3 years and this is the first girl that has even shown an interest since that time. Well, I thought she did. Went over the next night, and nothing. The touchy feely stuff was gone. Only a mere "you should rub my back" (which I did) occured. Left her house, had an awesome Friday that included my best friend visiting and us going to see No Doubt and Paramore, a lazy Saturday followed by a similar Sunday. However, that day was when I got the information that when I left, she called one of my good friends (the dude that actually got us talking in the first place) and he came over and they made out. Good times...

This actually came after I mustered up the courage to ask her what she felt about me and she replied that we could be more than friends "in the future." Then some other bs about her not being ready to go anywhere or what not. So pretty much, I felt like an idiot. A girl that I liked, that I thought liked me, invited a good friend of mine over, who I thought had my back, and they made out.

If you are still reading, then you might be wondering to yourself, "where does the title of this blog come from?" Well, it's my ability to deal with these situations. With my ex-girlfriend, it's hard for me to even drive in the town that she lives in. But I do feel I am getting better with that. But it took me a while. However, it only took me a day to get over this. I called my friend and talked with him. (I had actually gotten the story from a different friend, and when she told it, it genuinely seemed like he didn't know I had some kind of feelings for her). In a move I really wasn't expecting, he apologized for the misunderstanding, saying he wouldn't have done it had he have known. I actually believed him, but told him in hindsight it wasn't a big deal because there was nothing happening. So me and him are cool. As for this girl? Well, let's just say i'm not going to hold a grudge, and I like having new friends, but as far as her showing up in this blog, this may be the last time you hear of her.

So, the up side of down? It speaks to my optimism. I've been criticized for it before, but it helps me. So much so, that I am thinking of taking a huge step. I am thinking of reaching out to my ex. Not in a "get back together way," but try to get on talking terms again. I am tired of avoiding situations and am ready to face them. Let's see how this works out.

If this was too long and bored you, expect a random update soon.

(Not so) Random lyric of the day:

It's not that I don't trust you
well I just know what you've been up too
and well this dial tone is agreeing with everything I've had in mind.
and you've got your high as a kite tricks in the bag.

you're down for sellin' me out
while I play dumb,
it's cool cause I let you, thought I'd never catch you,
you'd say "we're only friends." yeah, real good friends, I bet. I bet.

forget your legs around my hips.
forget your hands pressed on my back.
forget the letters that I kept.
this is another I won't send

Girls are Complicated

So the saga continue on two fronts:

1) "this girl" was sick, so I decided to try and pull the sweet card and bring her soup and crackers along with some gummy worms because of a status she had put up. She wasn't there so I left it. When she called me HOURS later I went over there and watched the duel. While watching she does the cute legs on me thing. I would be into this whole scenario, but the fact that she has a boyfriend is making it weird. It's like I feel I am getting the signals, and I want to act, but the boyfriend thing is throwing me off. I'm not the kind of the guy that messes around like that. Sigh.

2) my ex-girlfriend and I talked today. For the first time in months. And on the phone. And it was a long conversation. It was a good one though. No yelling or guilt trips. She is doing a lot better in life and from talking to her I realize I am doing a lot better also. I'm still not ready to be friends though. I wanna be able to communicate if needed, but friends is out for right now. She just mentioned her boyfriend's name and I clammed up. But i do feel a friendship coming for us soon. She is coming back up here to go to school. Can you saw awkward? Sigh.

In other news:

*I'm catching up on the duel, but apparently i'm pretty behind. Just saw Easy get eliminated. Pretty sad about that.

*Started my "assistant music director" job at WEGL today. Basically, I listen to music and say whether it is good or not. Pretty sweet. And we signed up for our shows this summer. Wednesdays it is going to go like this: 5-6 is Frisco, 6-8 is Me and 8-9:30 is Matt Walker. Should be some good Wednesdays.

*Bought some records today: Band of Horses, Kings of Leon and Minus the Bear. This vinyl business is not good for my wallet.

*Also bought some books today. Got one I have been wanting for a long time, "Scar Tissue" by Anthony Keidis. Hopefully I can get into it.

Random lyric of the day:

Do you never wonder?
No, no no no

You girls never know
Oh no, you girls'll never know
No you girls never know
How you make a boy feel

Been A Minute

I was sposed to keep up with this and do it everyday. But I have been slippin. But it really has been a crazy couple of weeks. Let's recap:

No longer on speaking terms with my ex-girlfriend after an inappropriate text messag I received following a blog speaking on the three year "anniversary" of the passing of one of my closest friends. Kinda dealt with that too. Three years. Doesn't seem like it.

Am at a crossroads with another friend of mine. Do we do the smart thing for ourselves and choose not to be roommates with him next year or do we be nice guys and try to work it out? Basically drama now or drama later? Sigh. Update on that soon.

Been sort of talking to this girl online. Lame, I know. But it really is talking at this point. Not "talking." But it's weird. I think she is kind of leaving it up to me to make the first move as far as meeting up and stuff like that, but I don't really know what to do in this situation. So it's becoming awkward at some points. Maybe when I update in two more weeks (hopefully that is a joke) we will have met up and I will see what happens with that

Other than that, it's just been tests and papers and stuff. I have a small presentation, and one more psych paper, a breather, then finals start. Then, the fun begins:

ROAD TRIP

Yes, it's official. Two weeks in May, we will drive from Alabama to California and back, (hopefully) making stops at the Grand Canyon, Golden Gate Bridge, and Las Vegas. Oh, and of course some family along the way.

Besides all that good stuff, I'm just really looking forward to the summer. Not the heat, but just the fun times. The concerts, the visits, the fact that I will only take one class at a time.

And I told myself that I want to get a tattoo by the end of the summer, and I'm still sticking with it. But how about one other goal? Learn to play the piano. Even though this has been my goal about 5 times (I think I posted a blog on January 1st of 2007 saying that was my goal for the end of the year), but I will try this summer. I really will.

Now I will go to sleep to start a busy weekend. Details: Work, The Draft, Paper, Going to look at Rent-A-Cars, and hopefully renting The Wrestler.

Random lyric of the day:
If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Well it's been a while. Let's start with the weekend.

Jme got here on Friday. Apparently she brought a monsoon with her. I actually saw hail for the first time in my life. Then, had one of the most scary drives besides driving in the snow in Kentucky. Frisco showed up though and drove us through it. What a guy. But then the ultimate nightmare began. We watched Twilight. I'm just kidding, it wasn't that bad. But it was pretty bad. All those people that are excited for the next one? I'm not one of them.

Saturday got here and not much happened. Went shopping and it was fun pulling the whole "I'm bored, get me out of here" routine. Then had some pretty delicious taco salad. Saw Aaron and tried to give him some kind words before he left for a good number of weeks.

Sunday I thought was going to be an average day. Jme left and it felt like she had just gotten here. We did watch our senior video the night before. Made me miss some people. Those that I have lost, and those that I have lost touch with. It was cool though to be sitting in the same room watching it with the person I considered my best friend at the time and for her to be there almost 4 years later. Wish we could have done more while she was here, but ya know, economics. So she left and I tried to start studying. I actually got some in and finished what I had to present for press, law, and ethics. Then I got the text. My best friend had gotten engaged. I mean, we were all expecting it at some point, but it happened out of nowhere. I'm really happy for her though. I always liked Aaron, always rooted for him even in the "down" times. And I really gained a lot of respect for him because I feel like he is making these decisions, such as the military, for them, not just for him. Stand up guy. However, after all that I went to the library to finish my report for another class and the fire alarm got pulled. Figures.

Monday was... interesting. I presented my case briefing for press, law, and ethics. Went better than I thought it would. Just another thing, among a lot of things lately, that I stressed about till it got here and then it was over. Then, I got home and things took a turn into crazy town. First stop: "the friend and future roommate". He had come over to ask us a bunch of random questions that he wanted our opinion on. So we gave it to him. Then, he just got up and walked out. To make a long story short, we got a little worried, decided to check on him, got a little more worried, then had to make a decision. Let it go and just assume everything is ok or involve the police. Well, after a couple of times of thinking everything was ok in the past, and it turning out to be the complete opposite, we made a decision and called the police. Turns out everything was ok, we looked like idiots, and now he is pissed at us for checking on him. Asked for his "space". So he has it. And i have no idea what the future holds. Then, the final destination in crazy town: "the ex-girlfriend." Got on myspace and saw that I had a message. What it contained I really wasn't ready for. She was dating somebody else. After an official month of not having any communication whatsoever, I get informed that after being told that "she just couldn't do it right now" that she was giving someone else a shot. The only way I could describe it would be to say I am just numb about the whole thing. I am writing this down to see where I stand a week or month from now. On both subjects. I honestly wish the best for both of them, my friend and my ex. Let's just see what happens.

And then today. A little brighter. Took care of my presentation in psych after being chosen, not being able to volunteer later. But now it's over. Then, with a special thanks to Frisco for providing the ultimate background, finished my paper for feature writing. Then had a really cool dj session with him, fine tuned my playlist for tomorrow, and here we are. Still to come: Test on Thursday and if I can get it straight with work, a visit to Florida this weekend. Let's hope that works out.

Random lyric of the day:

Don't know what I want
But I know it's not you
Keep pushing and pulling me down
But I know in my heart it's not you

Decisions

I'm struggling with how personal, or "deep," I want to get on this blog. I mean, it's for me. And it's a journal-type entry as the description says, but still I have friends that follow and one that may join soon, and if I talked about what I really wanted to, it would be about him. For the sake of manning up, I will wait till I talk to him in person before going off on here, even though it's basically venting to myself.

Also on the subject of deepness, I really want to pour my heart out on here. But I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet. And do I name names? Or refer to persons simply as "her." As in, "it's been two weeks since i've talked to her. I wonder if that even matters to her..."

These are the decisions I have to make regarding this blog. How light-hearted will it stay or will I allow myself to get personal. I think I will because that is the point of not advertising on myspace of facebook, like I am very willing to do.

Also, I am trying to stay current so that when Jme visits in two weeks she will be able to show about this 20something blogger site. I really want to join and get a community and all that. But i'm still in the rookie stages I guess.

One last thing. The title of this post says it all. Sometimes, you have to make certain decisions. Some come with age. I am learning that and I hope the people around me start to learn that as well.

On to the randomness:

Worked out this morning before going to work. It was pretty awesome. It gave me a good feeling the rest of the day. A feeling I am going to try my hardest to duplicate in the days to come.

Made decisions within myself to apply for a position on the plainsman and wegl staff next year. I've only been on the plainsman on a volunteer basis before and only been a dj at wegl, so it will be cool to have some positions there. Maybe.

Played some more Resident Evil 5 today. I really like this game. A lot more than I thought I would. Sad we have to take it back Wednesday...

I think i've done good studying wise this weekend. Could have studied better, I mean you could always study better, but I think a lil kick in the morning and I should be good for the test tomorrow. Then it's time to get in one last adventure with RE5.

I think I have a project I want Jme to work on. She is pretty creative, I hope she can, or wants, to help me out. We shall see.

Time for me to go find those wings of luck to carry me through this test tomorrow.

Random lyric of the day:

Somebody's gonna die
I'm gonna get in trouble
My ex will start a fight
He's gonna start a fight
WE'RE ALL GONNA GET IN A FIGHT!