I've gotten some new followers lately and I would like to say thanks to all of you. And also I'm sorry. This isn't my usual kind of post, so please bare with me.
(sidenote: I am horrible at following wordpress blogs. I usually just see what's in my blogger dashboard and forget to check my reader. I lost a good follower by not paying attention to her because she had a wordpress account and I kept forgettin to check it...)
Anyways, I'm at a weird point right now. Some things are making me really excited, like the fact that March is here and that is bringing two concerts that I just found out I am going to this weekend (Envy on the Coast, Pendulum), Wrestlemania, Spring Break and of course Alice in Wonderland on Friday.
But I feel like that is all I'm looking forward to and when I'm not looking forward to these things, then other things just aren't that great right now. I'm sure a couple of readers can relate to this (in fact, I know some can) but school is starting to come down on me. And I am the kind of guy that waits till the last minute. And sometimes I just feel defeated. Like right now. I have two classes that I feel really good about and two that I am like "why the hell did I sign up for this?" I just want to graduate. But even that is bringing it's own problems. Sort of.
I have to decide where I want to intern. I've sent out applications and such, but right now it's looking like it's going to come down to three places: South Dakota, Montgomery or staying right here in Auburn. Now, those become "choices" only if I get accepted. But we will see...
I think what's been getting to me is that people have been bailing on me lately. Like, it's starting to become a pattern. To the point where my over-analyzing self is questioning if it's just a random set of coincidence or is there something about me that makes it easy for people to bail.
Sometimes I just feel that nice guy complex. Like that I am too nice. But truth be told, I don't really have an asshole bone in my body. By the way, if you guessed that I am not only talking about friendships but relationships as well, you would be right. I guess it's got to the point where I have been single for a good while now. And at the sake of getting "all emo up in here" I've honestly kind of gotten a little bit lonely. But again, I'm at that weird position where I am also not actively seeking anything because I don't know where I am going to be in a matter of months and don't want to end up in anything complicated.
Some days I am just thankful for my friends. And I'm talking about the real friends, the ones you can count on your hand. What I hate is that most of them are spread out and on days I break down and just send simple texts stating: "I wish we lived closer." But then I am thankful that Frisco has been right here by my side since day one of our freshman year. We talked today about how "the end" may come in May, may come in August. It's going to be a sad, sad day.
Really, I have no idea what this post is supposed to be about. I just started typing. I feel I have been slacking on commenting on blogs lately but as you can see I have a few things rolling around in my head and I'm just trying to make sense of it all.
What's crazy is that I will probably wake up tomorrow, stress about this test, take it and then come home and be in a great mood and think to myself "I shouldn't have posted this." But for now it seems like a good idea.
I made a commitment to myself that I am going to see Envy On The Coast on the 11th, even if I have to go alone (some friends can't make it, some said they will go but are kind of unreliable). And I really hope this time around they perform "Lapse," which is the RLOTD for this post, I guess making it not so random.
Random Lyric of the Day:
it's not as deep as it seems
and unfair as it may be
i'm just here to remind you
remind you not to forget to remember me
now i've died, you question so much
i don't possess the strength to answer straight
and no, i'm not afraid, at least not to die
i'm afraid to live and not remember why
sweet chemical indifference
i can't stop, can't change the evident
predisposed to perpetual sickness
i refuse to let you all be witness
make sure the needle is clean when you let me go back to sleep
and situate the piece of her picture underneath my fingers
it protects me in my dreams
it's not as deep as it seems
and unfair as it may be
i'm just here to remind you
remind you not to forget to remember me
"I don't really have an asshole bone in my body."
ReplyDeleteExcept when it comes to me. You can be a real a-hole to me. But it's okay, I can take it.
As for school/interning/graduating...don't look at the big picture just yet, take ONE day at a time. It passes faster/is easier to digest that way.
annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd...I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY wish I could go to the EOTC concert. I even told Aaron about it, and he is bummed that we can't go, too. I'm sorry, man. I feel like a let down.
Big SADS. :( There is a lot I could say in a comment section but I might save that for an email- but I'm not emailing until you email so there. (That's the height of my maturity this morning. LOL)
ReplyDeleteYou my dear, are at a crossroads. And everytime I say this to people I get the eyeroll and that "ok, crazy" line. But seriously: Life changes constantly. The friends you have now might not be there in a year, five years. But that doesn't mean anything. Just because you aren't close (maybe) or you are busy with life does not mean that the dynamic of a friendship should change. If anything- you have fun vacations to look forward to. :)
And you know what- any chick that passes you up? Is an idiot. You don't need her. Save all of your good qualities for someone who is going to love and appreciate them.
And if you put your internships on vote- SOUTH DAKOTA! Because you can be my concert buddy! I have never heard Envy on the Coast (hanging head in shame)but I would go anyways. :)
Hang in there. I promise you it does get better. If you need help with shitty proofreading, anything English related for school- I am your girl. :)
Ugh school. Anyways, you might consider using google reader to track those wordpress blogs, I actually check all my blogs from there it's pretty awesome, everytime anyone updates there it is!
ReplyDeleteGood luck on the internships!
you can have wordpress blogs in your blogger dashboard reader. just copy the url and paste it in when prompted.
ReplyDeletei'm the mayor of getting my stress out in my blog, so you'll always have a set of sympathetic eyes from me :) "this too shall pass"
I like when you blog like this :)
ReplyDeleteYou have friends, sometimes you just have to dig deep and find out who they are. As far as "the end" of your friendship, that will never happen from the sounds of it. You've built a great bond.
@j:
ReplyDeleteWhere's the "just kidding" now everybody that reads that is going to think I am a jerk to my bfff and that is NOT the case. If anything, the roles are reversed...
and I'm not putting "just kidding" because like you said, you can take it
and don't feel like a let down, just feel disappointed that you are missing out
@Sara:
I came real close to an e-mail the other day, does that count? And don't feel bad for not hearing of EOTC, they aren't that popular. I wish they were though so more people would know who I was talking about.
@jeanette:
Yea, f school. And I have tried to look at google reader, but I keep forgetting I have it
@JSjov:
I may have to get you to show me this wonderous technique. And thanks for the ears
@Jenn:
That's true and I have dug deep and found them. One of them was the first person to comment on this post and my roommate. And we were just talking about how we won't be living together anymore. After five years, it's gonna be weird
I'm a new follower!! Do I look familiar?
ReplyDeleteHaha yes you do, welcome back to blogging!
ReplyDeletesenioritis isn't just for high school seniors...it happened to me my last semester of college too! :)
ReplyDeleteYou never really know what's going to happen in a few months time-- who will be in your life, where you will be, where you will be going...the easiest thing is to try to live day to day and just embrace it all as it comes.
I have an idea...intern in California!!! :)
@Lisa:
ReplyDeleteNo lie, I've thought about it. The areas where I have family include Modesto (Sacramento ish), San Dimas and Monrovia (both in the LA area). And of course my favorite website, IGN, is located in San Francisco. So who knows...