Giveth, Taketh

A significant event happened in my life Wednesday night - the birth of my nephew. It was something we had been looking forward to for longer than nine months and I know, without a hint of doubt, that he has great parents looking out for him. His mother is my sister and, even though we are too manly to say it out loud, my brother-in-law is just as much family to me than my own blood.

When I got the picture on my phone, I felt my cheeks widen as I gave the biggest smile I've given in a long time. I actually have an uncle named Matt who, even as I am on the verge of 25, I immensely look up to. My goal is to live up to his name and do whatever I can to pursue that even though states currently separate my nephew and I.

But it's fitting that my nephew was born around two days before an anniversary in my life. An anniversary I don't "celebrate" but rather remember.

December 2, 2001 was a Sunday. I can remember little details from ten years ago because it was a day that would forever change my life. It was a day that, at 14, I would have to figure out how to deal with the loss of a friend.

I met Connie when I was in middle school. We struck up a friendship that admittedly spawned out of affection on my end. She was a year older than me and when she left for high school we didn't see each other as much, but we stayed in contact.

Honestly, so much time has passed that I forgot how we went from acquaintances to friends but I do know that she knew I liked her as more. She didn't return the feeling, giving me an "I don't date guys younger than me" vibe. It was something that to this day I thought was a challenge but never pursued intently because her friendship mattered more.

I used to look for her when I attended my friend's soccer games and when a group of us would go to the bowling alley. We used to chat on MSN messenger and her words were always sincere with me. If one thing was true about the two of us, it was that we cared about one another.

Eventually, one of my good friends Andy would become basically a member of my household. He was also previously a friend of Connie's and the three of us struck a friendship trio of sorts.

It was clear that he was starting to develop feelings for her so any kind that I had that weren't previously suppressed at earlier attempts became finalized. But Connie and I would still have our chats and checkups. One Monday, I was in my room getting ready to watch wrestling. I told Connie this during our phone conversation, one in which she had called to just check on me. Our talks had weaned in recent days and she decided to pick up the phone and see how I was. It was a gesture I will never forget because it was the last time I would hear her voice.

The next weekend, Andy I got the news. Connie was in an accident involving four people and she was one of the two that didn't make it. The car was being driven by a driver who was under the influence and they lost control and ran off the road. Connie was ejected out of the passenger seat and lost her life instantly.

When we got the news, we just left my house and walked. We walked down the street and to the park and back, he and I not saying a word. The only sound you heard was our feet on the pavement and attempts at keeping tears in our eyes.

My dad and I are much closer now than we are then, but I don't think he knew how to react when he drove me to her funeral service. And if he didn't know what to say in the car, there were definitely no words to comfort me as I saw my friend for the last time. Only, it wasn't really her. I will never get over how doll-like she looked as they had to do some touchups following her accident.

But she was laid to rest in her pajamas and at least she left this world giving us a smile. I'm not big into signs or acts of nature, but I remember vividly a single gust of wind as her casket was lowered down in the cemetery. Noteworthy because it was a hot Alabama day in December and there was no wind to cool us down.

I walked by her casket and silently whispered "bye babe" to her; it was something I said to her whenever we would finish our chats and I thought it would be the perfect way to say goodbye one last time.

A few months ago, June of this year to be exact, I was eating at Hooters in Dothan, a city near where my friends and I grew up. There was a particularly ditzy waitress who was at times amusing and annoying. But something felt familiar about her and it wasn't until a friend I was with pointed out that we all went to the same high school. Then the "Shannon" on her name tag had a last name and I realized - she was the driver of the car the night Connie was killed.

I didn't know how to react - I had just been chatting it up with the person who is responsible for the death of one of my best friends. Ultimately, I tried to put on a happy face and finish the time with my friends. I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she had enough hardship on her own having to deal with the consequences of her actions.

But now, today, I realize that all these feelings stem around something that happened 10 years ago. On a weekend when my major focus was securing a relationship with a girl who I was crushing on. Then my week turned into a mix of tears and memories.

Now, the memories remain. And on the day where I mourn the loss of a friend, I simultaneously look forward to celebrating the arrival of my nephew later this month.

I love them both. And I will work just as hard to be an uncle to my nephew as I will to never forget Connie in my life.

MX

"On every street, every car, every surface are names
And at the streets arise, I'll be rather insane
Don't let them take control
No we won't let take control"

"Life goes on
It gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear, a waterfall
In the night, the stormy night
She closed her eyes
In the night, the stormy night
Away she flied"

"Be the cartoon heart,
Light a fire, light a spark,
Light a fire, a flame in my heart.
We'll run wild,
We'll be glowing in the dark."

"And if we could float away,
Fly up to the surface and just start again.
And lift off before trouble just erodes us in the rain"

"Don't want to see another generation drop
I'd rather be a comma than a full stop"

"They got one eye watching you
One eye, what you do?
So be careful what it is you’re tryin’ to do

And be careful when you’re walking into view
Just be careful when you’re walking into view"

"Lord I don't know which way I am going
Which way the river gonna flow
It's just seems that upstream, I keep rowing
Still got such a long way to go"

"Once upon a time we fell apart
You're holding in your hands the two Halves of my heart"

"Up in flames

We have slowly gone
Oh, we have slowly gone

Could we pour some water on?"

"Through my days are flowing
From a shipwreck I heard a call
And she said

When you're tired of aiming your arrows,
Still you'll never hit the mark
And even if your aims are shadows
Still we never gonna part

Come on baby don't let it break your heart"

"The sky is blue,
Dreamed that lie 'til it's true,
Then takin' back the punch I threw,
My arms turn wings,
Oh, those clumsy things
Send me up to that wonderful world
And then I'm up with the birds."

Explanation to come in due time, but for now...

The Sight of Sound

Best in Music for 2011 (so far) W/ GUESTS!

Hey, guess what? Here is some music, just for you! Not only from me, but from my friends Mike and Liz as well. This week, Mike and I are both participating in Liz's Mixtape Mondays with the theme being the Best of 2011 (so far).

Ladies first, so here is what Liz picked for her list. (Note: I can name three artists that I have become fans of because of Liz, so even though this list is for our readers, I am personally looking forward to discovering some new material from her selection).

Click here to download Liz's mix

01. These Days - The Foo Fighters
02. Shook Down - Yuck

03. Calamity Song - The Decemberists

04. Love Is - Meg & Dia

05. Walking Far From Home - Iron & Wine
06. It's Not A Bad Little War - Bayside
07. Calgary - Bon Iver
08. Came Out Swinging - The Wonder Years
09. Freak Out - Tapes N Tapes
10. Little Cup - Thao & Mirah
11. Meantime - Givers
12. Life Is Killing Me - Fireworkds
13. Grown Oceans - Fleet Foxes
14. Cradle - The Joy Formidable
15. Sadness is a Blessing - Lykke Li
16. Weekend - Smith Westerns
17. Everything With You - Pains of Being Pure at Heart

And now, I'm going to hand it over to Mike. (Note: I love that we picked a few of the same bands. Also, there were a couple of artists I left off because I figured Mike had them covered. It's awesome when great minds think alike)

Click here to download Mike's mix

The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart- Belong

Manchester Orchestra- Mighty

Bright Eyes- Shell Games

Taking Back Sunday- Best Places To Be A Mom

The Black Dahlia Murder- On Stirring Seas Of Salted Blood

Lady GaGa- Heavy Metal Lover

The Beastie Boys- Long Burn The Fire

Mogwai- Mexican Grand Prix

Melanie Laruent- En t’attendant

Radiohead- Lotus Flower

Bon Iver- Perth

The Decemberists- Don’t Carry It All

Hugh Laurie- Six Cold Feet In The Ground

Foo Fighters- White Limo

Danger Mouse & Daniele Luppi- Two Against One

City & Colour- We Found Each Other In The Dark

James Blake- Limit To Your Love

Death Cab For Cutie- Codes & Keys

Tally Hall- Misery Fell

Iron & Wine- Walking Far From Home

TV On The Radio- Will Do

Thursday- Turnpike Divides

And finally, here are my picks. (Note: Foo Fighters is the only artist to appear in all three of our mixes. If you haven't checked out that cd, you need to).

Click here to download my mix

1. Foo Fighters - Bridge Burning
2. Brother - Darling Buds of May
3. Sleeper Agent - Get it Daddy
4. Dr. Dre featuring Eminem, Skylar Grey - I Need a Doctor
5. John Legend - Rolling in the Deep (Adele cover)
6. Peter, Bjorn and John - Second Chance
7. Does It Offend You, Yeah? - We Are the Dead
8. Taking Back Sunday - El Paso
9. Royal Bangs - Fireball
10. Childish Gambino - Freaks and Geeks
11. Lupe Fiasco featuring Skylar Grey - Words I Never Said
12. Hugo - Bread and Butter
13. Farewell Continental - Who's the Boss?
14. Yellowcard - With You Around
15. Manchester Orchestra - April Fool
16. Cage the Elephant - 2024
17. Social Distortion - Machine Gun Blues
18. Augustana - Shot in the Dark
19. Foster the People - Houdini
20. Death Cab for Cutie - Monday Morning
21. Bayside - The Wrong Way
22. Panic! at the Disco - Sarah Smiles

Mix and Match

So there are a few things going on that I should probably give specific attention to in three separate posts, but eff it - I'm lazy.

With that said, I present to you The (current) Life and Times of Mr O - A Three Part Saga

Act I - The Golden State:

I got back from California on Sunday after having an incredible week. Inevitably, there was some drama but it sort of came from an unlikely source in my brothers. Ironically, a few summers ago my brother Nick and I formed a bond and became super close. This time, it was my cousin Katie and I. She was the one who I had flown out to watch graduate and she was the one I spent the majority of my time with. While we probably set a record for laughs and hugs, it was her flat out asking me "why don't you just move out here" that got to me. For the first time in my life I didn't have a straight answer. I'm out of school, so what's holding me back? Right now it's the fact that I am at a good job gaining valuable experience. But best believe if I were to get laid off, I am picking up the phone and calling my Cali family immediately.

Here are some highlights from the trip:

*Becoming known as a car killer (my cousin got in an accident on the first day and after borrowing my Uncle's car it wouldn't start the next day)

*Spending an entire day at Six Flags Magic Mountain. I'm not usually a rollercoaster guy, but I had a lot of fun. Best ride? Riddler's Revenge.

*Walking along Ocean Avenue with the lovely Jeanette as my LA tour guide

*Having a section of family and friends take up three rows at my cousin's graduation. And being one of the loudest groups there.

*Seeing Pirates 4. And liking it.

*The competitiveness of Wii Bowling

*Eating some wonderful BBQ

*Hanging out with two sets of families and killing time by chatting, playing games and taking tons of pictures

Let's just say I was really really (really) sad when I touched down in Atlanta on Sunday. And if I was a betting man, I would put everything I had on me returning to California. Maybe sooner rather than later.

Act II - Summer Lovin, Happened So Fast

I think one of the most depressing things about graduating college and entering the "real world" is that you no longer have a summer. You know, the months when things slow down and you can kind of take things casually. Now that I'm at a big boy job, June through August is going to be feel exactly like February through April, only much much hotter. With that in mind, I still have some goals for the summer months, including

*Finally f**king learning the piano. I have felt inspired to make music lately and I want to see that through. Maybe, just maybe, 2011 will be the year that happens.

*Getting lost in TV and videogames. I know this may sound like a "dumb" goal to have, but I miss the simplicity of enjoying a game or being addicted to a TV show. The last one I watched was Friday Night Lights and that was so good I couldn't even think of watching something else for a while. But now I'm ready to get back in and I have some contenders including Smallville, Veronica Mars, Californication and Weeds. Most likely though, I'm going to start off with 24. As for video games, my cousin Brian let me borrow LA Noire. I've only played a few hours but I already love that game.

*I don't have a weight loss goal as in pounds shed, but I want to get into a "healthier" lifestyle. Even if it means just getting up and walking a little bit in the morning, it's at least a start.

*Also a BIG finally, is starting a music blog. I know that's what this has kind of evolved into, but I'm talking one that deals strictly in music. One that I can show on a future resume. And one that was inspired by a fellow blogger. This is the most important and expect to hear more about it soon.

Act III: Please, Don't Lose Your Faith In Me

Using music as the perfect segway, I am counting down the days until June 28. That's when the reunited original lineup of Taking Back Sunday finally puts out their new cd. It is two weeks away and if the four songs I've already heard are any indication, I am going to be far from disappointed.

There's only a handful of bands I get giddy over, but TBS is one of them. The last time I counted the days for a cd was Coldplay's "Viva la Vida" in 2008 (another "giddy" band). I did a countdown on myspace bulletins (remember those?) so I'm thinking I might do something for this release.

The latest track they released is "All This Now" and you can hear it below:

Hustlers grab your guns

By the time this day is over, I will be with my family in California.

To say I'm excited is an understatement.

I'm thinking about doing some exclusive vacation videos for this blog. Think you guys would be interested in that?

Also, expect some pictures from another blogger you have seen on here before. Basically, the next week is going to be filled with greatness.

As this song is stuck in my head...

So Last Night Was One of The Greatest Nights of My Life

I was really looking forward to the Manchester Orchestra / Cage the Elephant show because I hadn't been to a show where I could just let loose and rock out in a long, long time.

I needed it. I needed to be surrounded by people who want to be moved by music and are listening to people who care about making music. And I got that last night.

I have pictures, but they are blurry. I have videos, but they are loud. So you just have to take my word for it.

Cage the Elephant was straight up fun. But Manchester Orchestra gave an absolutely memorable performance. One that I will never forget

In 2008, I saw Coldplay live and it was, hands down, the best concert experience I have ever had. It's kind of like the movie Fight Club for me - I don't think anything will be able to top it.

But this concert last night came pretty damn close. I've never done drugs, but I'm pretty sure I was high on the music last night.

And right now, as my ears are still ringing and my legs are somewhat sore and I have to be at work in a couple hours, I am legitimately happy.

It's ironic that the venue we were at used to be a church because last night - I got healed.